he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize