Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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