i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize