She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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