As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
