Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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