what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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