I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
