Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
