Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
