is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
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