Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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