I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
