The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
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