Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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