I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
is that a dick in a sweater?
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
