You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
