the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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