Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
