The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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