idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
