What did we do last night that was yellow?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
