I can text with my tongue
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
