I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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