they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
