if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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