There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
