Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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