Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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