Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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