I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
