So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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