my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
