a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
