A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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