I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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