is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
