i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
