just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have fence marks all over my body
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
