you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
