I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize