And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
