then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Randomize
