If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
