You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
