are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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