I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize