I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
