HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
