Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
is it fun? or sober?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
