You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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