I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
