I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
We left the knife in your bed.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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