oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
