I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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