you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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