She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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