FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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