I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
