I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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