Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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