I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
