dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
