We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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