even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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