another moral hangover. fuck.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
