And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
