Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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