That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
