I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
