he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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