I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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