I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
should my penis look like a turkey
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
