my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
