How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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