A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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