how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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