Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
