I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
