Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
