You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
