Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
