I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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