Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
