So drunk, too bad you don't want this
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
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