I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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