So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
