so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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