You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
