So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
