Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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