I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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