The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
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