I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
ttyl tear gas
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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