Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
