I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Randomize